After the American Civil War, the Roman empire is probably the time and place of history in which I’m best informed. I’ve done a lot of reading over the years about the Caesars and their empire, and I’ll consume just about any media that is set in Rome. Ridley Scotts’ 2004 epic ‘Gladiator’ is still one of my all-time favorite movies. Playing ‘Rome: Total War’ on my parents’ computer took up countless hours of my childhood.

So when NBC’s Peacock streaming service released a new show focusing on Roman gladiators called ‘Those About to Die’, you better bet I started watching the very day it was released. I now wish I hadn’t.

After forcing myself to watch all ten episodes of the first season (a second season is clearly planned, though I hope it never sees the light of day), I’m ready to give my review.

My disappointment in the series was immediate, as soon as the opening credits rolled. I love a good opening credits sequence. I recently watched Starz’s pirate-themed series ‘Black Sails’ (my review for that to come soon) and the intro was so good that I let it play out in almost every episode. The music was catchy and embraced the high-seas pirate spirit, the animation was excellent, and it displayed the themes of anarchy, treachery, and constant threat of death in a pleasing, subtle manner.

Not so in ‘Those About to Die’. Here my eyes were assaulted by a garish, gaudy ocean of crimson blood washing through and around a pristine marble city. The music a generic clashing of dissonant sounds, a genuine cacophony. The CGI for this sequence was terrible and it was so on-the-nose as to be insulting. I immediately lowered my expectations for the entire show and was soon proven right.

Name a flaw and this show has it. Ham-fisted exposition. Predictable plot twists. Unlikeable protagonists encased in ten feet of plot armor. Shoddy acting. The plot being pulled along by forced events rather than flowing forward like a river. Worst of all, a total lack of historical accuracy. By the end of Episode 10 I was rooting for everyone but the Northman to die. I knew of course that wouldn’t happen but I wished it all the same. Not one character grew on me or felt genuine.

I won’t even get into the absurd amounts of gore and sex because I think I’ve already done a decent job convincing you, the reader, to skip this show. Suffice it to say that, even for a show about gladiators and chariot racers, the violence felt way over the top and perhaps just one, two at most, of the many sex scenes was necessary to the plot.

Despite the horrendous music in the opening credits, the musical score throughout the series was actually good, even excellent. As for everything else about this show, let’s just say that I envied the man in the opening scene whose throat was cut. At least his suffering ended quickly.